Let's not rest with the first impression below, though I can relate to the irritation on Cafeteria Christians. A certain Ratzinger was on certain issues of Cafeteria Catholics saying "the cafeteria is closed" ... if he had meant it on these issues too, maybe he could have been a pope for real.
But I mean the first impression given by the meme he shared:
- Michael Edward Johnson
- 22 Oct. 2026
- And don't forget the more "advanced " and insidious models known as cafeteria Christians or cherry picker Christians.
They will look at you with a straight face and tell you Bible didn't mean any of these literally. They were and are meant to only be taken as metaphor and symbolism.
But the Resurrection and Salvation? Those are 100 percent accurate and literal
- Not sure
- if I'd like to interact with him, but here is to his arguments:
"A Donkey talked" but not without help from God almighty.
"A man lived inside a fish" or was raised when being spewed out. Not the only raising from the dead if so. Don't forget that three young boys stood in a firey furnace and came out unsinged.
"A woman turned to salt" or possibly salt was added on the outside, so the pillar could be identified as a salt pillar from the exterior.
"A snake talked" when possessed by Satan.
"A man rode a tornado to heaven" ... wasn't it more like a fire wagon in the tornado?
Yes, taking up a body from earth to any kind of heavenly realm tends to be spectacular.
"The Sun stood still for one day" as well as the Moon. God ceased to turn the aether around Earth and the angels of each ceased to take them on yearly / monthly rides. Then resumed.
I mean, Israel had a victory to win, and Joshua's name is the name of Jesus, in Hebrew.
"Hundreds of thousands of animals lived on a 500' boat" ... if you count the insects, probably yes.
Vertebrates? I've calculated from biological families of land vertebrates that the Ark needed c. 2000 couples. Add some more for dinosaurs and pterosaurs and pelykosaurs.
NOT anything close to 100 000!
"Zombies walked around Jerusalem" ... No. They were actually raised from the dead, for real.
Temporarily or with the final resurrection, on Good Friday or after Jesus rose, disputed. BUT they were raised for real, they weren't zombies.
"A disembodied hand scribbled on a wall at a party" ... big deal. If even demons and ghosts can pull off poltergeists, why would God be less powerful?
"Half a trillion cubic miles of water fell as rain for forty days" ... let's count.
196.9 million square miles is the surface of earth, land and sea. The water depth on the Flood, above pre-Flood sea levels, could have been like 3 miles high. Mount Everest and Andes and Pyrenees and the rest of Himalaya around Mount Everest rose after the Flood.
196.9 * 3 = 590.7 million cubic miles higher water. That's half a billion, not half a trillion.
Then there is the question how much of it came from rain, because water came from subterranean "wells of the deep" too.
Let's suppose these count for half. And as rainfall is measured in mm per 24 h, let's divide it into 40.
7.38375 million cubic miles per 24 h. To get the mm which equals litre on 1 sqm flat ground, let's convert and divide by square meters on earth:
7,383,750 cubic miles to litres: 30 776 812 553 596 584 000 liter.
Earth surface 510 million km^2
30 776 812 553 596 584 000 / 510 000 000 000 000 = 60 346 mm rainfall in 24 hours.
Greatest 24-Hour Rainfall: 1825mm (71.8")
https://wmo.int/asu-map?original_nid=21824&map=Rain_081&book=21486
07 Jan 1966– 08 Jan 1966, Foc-Foc; La Réunion [21°15'S; 55°40'E]
60 346 / 1825 = 33 times more rain than on an extant modern record.
That begins to seem relatable.
What about rainfall per hour?
60 346 / 24 = 2514 mm
Greatest rainfall in one hour
https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/737965-greatest-rainfall-in-one-hour
On 22 June 1947, an unprecedented 304.8 mm (12 inches) of rain fell in just 42 minutes at Holt, Missouri, USA.
304.8 * 60 / 42 = 435 mm if the same rate had lasted a full hour.
2514 / 435 = 5.78 times as fast ...
Now it begins to seem very relatable.
Greatest 1-Min Rainfall: 31.2mm (1.23")
https://wmo.int/asu-map?map=Rain_031
Krause and Flood (1997) note that the total precipitation during the storm was 91.0 mm (3.6 inches) of which 72 mm (2.84 in) fell during a 50-minute period from 2:50 to 3:40 P.M. Rainfall was masured with a recording raingauge located in satisfactory exposure. Some 13 points pertaining to functioning of the gauge were considered in evaluating this record by H.H. Engelbrecht; then State Climatologist for Maryland and T.E. Hostrander; who was Substation Insprector. It was concluded that "... 1.23 inches of precipitation occurred in an estimated period of one-minute or less." The recording rain gauge chart (shown below) indicates that at chart time 3:23+ the pen was at 2.47 inches on the chart scale and at chart time 3:32- it was 3.70 inches
That was 4 July 1956. Unionville; MD [38°48'N; 76°08'W; 152 m (499 ft)]
2514 / 60 = 41.9 mm
41.9 / 31.2 = 1.343 times as fast.
Not unrelatable at all.
"Water droplets didn't refract light before Noah" wrong reading of God setting the rainbow as a sign.
It already existed and became a sign.
"Blowing a horn and yelling will make city walls collapse" but not without God.
"Plants grew before there was sunlight" but not before there was light.
Cannabis is sometimes cultivated in cellars, for secrecy, and under the light of halogen lamps.
The first light God provided had to be more plant friendly than that.
"Because stories invented in the heads of Bronze Age desert dwellers say it happened this way!"
Some of the things he complained about were way after the Bronze Age, and botb Bronze Age and 1st C AD events were often enough by definition witnessed by very many, so could not have been made up in the heads of someone and then spread by mistaken confidence in someone hallucinating.
